Uriel’s Chasm – Review
Once in a while, you come across games that are so weird that you don’t even know what you’re getting yourself into before starting it the first time. Uriel’s Chasm is a perfect example of one of those games! The game itself shouldn’t really be described as bad, but rather extremely odd. It’s not made for everyone, but if you don’t take it seriously it can be quite funny.
Story
The story is – like the game – very weird and not well explained. You’re supposed to be playing as Sister Tabitha who has been asleep for about 8 years. You’re always stuck in the same dream, you’re falling into the Garden of paradise. Tabitha is sent to the outer fringes of the galaxy on a mission to investigate the disappearance of the orbital monastery “Enoch’s Hope”. While trying to get to the garden, the story suddenly turns very religious. There’s a lot of talk about Jesus and God which doesn’t really make any sense, so from there on out the story kind of goes down the drain. The game then tries to brainwash you as you have to search for Jesus nailed on a tree, before fighting the final boss: a giraffe which almost causes epilepsy.
Graphics
Mainly, the graphics look very retro and there’s nothing wrong with that. Most of the things look ok but some levels just want to make you quit the game. While being nicely designed, in the level where you have to find Jesus the screen keeps changing color and it even turns around, making for a very unpleasant experience for the eyes. The final boss also causes a lot of strain on the eyes, it shoots balls which flicker very fast between black and white, making them extremely hard to dodge as well. Oh, your bullets are also bibles on the final boss.
Sound
Most of the music and sound effects are pretty good. They give a very old-school feeling to the game and are pleasant in combination with the graphics. But like the graphics, some things really ruin it. The final boss battle doesn’t have music for example, instead it has a couple of random sounds in the background to symbolize a monster. It was like a donkey, a spoiled 16 year old crying and another 16 year old yelling at the same time. Yeah, it was pretty horrific.
Gameplay
The gameplay itself is very simple and solid but somehow it manages to swap genres a few times whilst playing. The first level is much like an asteroid shooter where your ship is in the center and you can fly around freely. You find yourself in your ship, avoiding a huge monster in the background whilst getting your “faith” higher than the monster by collecting bibles. You also have to keep an eye out for your fuel and munition, you can destroy asteroids and they might drop fuel, ammo or bibles.
When entering the second level, the game suddenly transforms into a vertical shooter, where your ship is on the left and you have to avoid bullets and monsters coming from the right. This is by far the most fun and challenging part of the game. It also takes a good amount of time and there are no weird things in this level, giving you the opportunity to take a break from all the weirdness!
As you enter the third level, the weirdness the previous one saved you from suddenly comes back stronger than ever. You find yourself playing a platformer, running around and looking for Jesus nailed onto a tree. When finally manage to find him, random bible verses appear on your screen. Then, you have to find him 6 more times, yay! This is also the level that spins and changes colors which I talked about in the Graphics section. When you finally made it through that level, it’s time for the final boss!
The final boss is a pretty hard but weird fight. Why weird? Well, the final boss is a giraffe which appears to have smoked pot (red eyes) and it shoots flickering balls at you. It also has the pleasant sound effects which I previously talked about. The final fight also suddenly turns the game into a shmup (shoot’em up). As said before, the balls are really hard to dodge due to them flickering and there’s lots of them, so this fight mike take you a little while.
The first, second and final level also feature health, you get a certain amount of hearts (faith in the first level) and if it drops to zero, you get the joy of replaying from the start of that level! Also, there is no pause feature, so don’t try to press Escape because it will restart the whole game.
Conclusion
Uriel’s Chasm might just be the weirdest game that has slipped onto Steam yet. It’s very short (about 50 minutes) and doesn’t appeal to a lot of gamers. It’s a religious game and seems to try and brainwash you into accepting the lord and savior Jesus. There’s also the occasional cut scene which is real life footage of people trying to speak English (not really, they just have a bad accent) and they even call the game shit whilst doing so. As this game is very different from games nowadays, the enjoyment will vary from gamer to gamer!
Uriel's Chasm - Review,
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