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Golden Shoes – Review
Inspired by watching Real Madrid on the television, optimistic but painfully untalented young-lad Christian decides his life goal is to become the next Cristiano Ronaldo. However, before his dreams can begin to be realised, Christian’s father is deemed MIA during his most recent tour of the Middle East and his mother is involved in a serious car-crash. Heartbroken but not defeated, Christian is sent to live with charismatic but flaky Uncle Frank who decides to help him on his personal quest. Throw in some supposedly magic football boots, that turn Christian from zero to hero on the pitch, and you have Golden Shoes basic set-up.
Needless to say, whilst Real Madrid are a healthy 8/11 to take the championship – according to La Liga betting website Bet365 – Golden Shoes has significantly longer odds of being a box-office success. The film is low-budget and it shows, and this is likely to leave it with no promotion and zero exposure. Sadly, to be honest, this is what the film deserves. This is not an independent masterpiece unfairly shunned due to its experimental flair or controversial subject-matter, but a sloppy and clichéd offering that plays it safe with its basic set-up and reaps nothing in doing so.
Director and screenwriter Lance Kawas, as can be seen by watching the trailer, is decidedly unsure about the tone of his film. Golden Shoes uncomfortably shifts between broad slapstick comedy, sickly overt sentimentality, clunky social commentary and magic realism. Kawas neither has the visual flair nor the ear for dialogue required to seamlessly integrate or pull-off these various tonal shifts. Often, the film stumbles glaringly from one slapped together concept to the next.
From an acting standpoint, there are a few highlights amongst the beige cast. Eric Roberts, who is more known for his feud with his more-famous sister Julia than his acting career, manages to inject some twinkle-eyed personality into his performance as Uncle Frank. Critically dragged down by a script that aims to rehash rather than transcend cliché, even Robert’s laid-back charm cannot remain afloat for long. Meanwhile, Kill Bill’s Vivica A. Fox does not embarrass herself in her cameo as an emotionally invested nurse, although you can tell one eye is clearly on the pay-check. Meanwhile, child actor and star Christian Koza is not as annoying as he could have been.
Sloppy editing, unrealistic lighting and muffled sound mixing add a technical layer of rust to an already stuttering film. Whilst some shots have nice composition, particularly during the backyard training sessions, the majority of set-ups are straight-out of the basic film rulebook. Even then, the film fluffs simple things like eye-lines and shot-to-shot continuity.
Conclusion
The fundamental problem with Golden Shoes is just how low it aims. The narrative is reductive and cannot even match the tried-and-tested beats it has chosen to follow. More than just being an uninspired rehash, Kawas’ movie seems intent in taking already clichéd cinematic tropes and making sure to squeeze out any remaining drops of inspiration or worthiness before placing them, withered and crumpled, back into his film. Ultimately, Golden Shoes is not even an own goal – as this would require some passion and conviction. No, it is more like a stale draw where neither side is good enough to make it count when they need it to.
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